Spring is Here...

Springtime has to be my favorite time of year... i just adore it. Warm weather with clear blue skies and cool breezes... flowers blooming all around... a sense of renewal that's just invigorating. It's impossible for me not to think about it without smiling.

I had the best weekend in a long time this past weekend. The weather was perfect, and I spent almost all day Saturday shopping (have I mentioned how awesome Spring sales are?). I I haven't gone clothes shopping in a while... maybe even since last Spring. So it was time to renew my wadrobe with new boots, sexy new dance shoes, several very cute outfits, and two new nighties... a black one with ruffles and thigh highs for when I'm feeling naughty, and a white and peach one with lace and beading for when I'm feeling... well... naughty... but want to look a bit more "nice".

*grin*

Anyway... I can attest to the power of Spring becasue I also experienced one of the most traumatic things a woman can experience in April, and I'm still smiling. What terror tried to entrap me, you may ask? Let's just say shopping included buying a swim suit.

Now, buying a swim suit often makes even the strongest, most confident woman cringe. It's just something about squeezing yourself into a tiny piece of fabric complete with a panty guard and looking at your winterized, pale body in the lovely glow of flourescent lights. Every ripple... every bulge... every flaw is just screaming back at you in the mirror. Even Alfred Hitchcock never imagined the sense of horror that comes along with swimsuit shopping.

Well, I decided to try a 2-piece this year... becasue I'm feeling much more confident with myself and my body. So I find this cute little tankini and decide to try it on, convinced I'm gonna take one look at myself in the mirror and want to hibernate for a couple more months. But surprisingly, I slipped into the suit, looked up, and didn't scream in terror at the reflection in front of me. In fact, the woman in the mirror looked pleasently surprised. So I poked my head out of the dressing room, called Kirby to get his opinion, and when he saw me, his eyes sparkled. Thats all I needed... The suit went home with me, and at 50% off no less. I wore it to the pool yesterday and I really like it. Its covers a lot less then I'm used to, but you can finally see my belly ring, so it's all good!

For the longest time, I was worried about losing myself if I started to see myself through someone elses eyes. And for so long I had reason to worry... becasue the eyes that had always looked at me were critical and judgemental. But now, the eyes looking at me are filled with love and acceptance, and they sparkle when I smile or laugh. And by seeing myself through those eyes, I have come to not only accept myself as I am, but to see past the flaws to the beauty that is there. I didn't have to fear looking at myself though anothers eyes... I just needed to be more careful about whose eyes I was seeing myself through. The eyes I needed to look through had to see me for who I was and love me anyway... to appreciate the beauty behind the imperfections... and accept the woman I am.

But most importantly, I've learned to see myself with those same accepting eyes. Of course I still notice the faults... but they don't control me anymore. And that is a wonderous thing. What a lovely way to celebrate the season; by renewing my sense of self just in time to enjoy the beauty and joy of Springtime.